Blitzporn

Man, there’s a lot of porn on the internet. And it’s not just the meat-and-potatoes, slap-ass, money-shot-in-your-face kind of porn we all grew up with. It is some sick shit! Well, I know that “sick” is all a matter of degrees, but I’m just saying that it appears that most porn ads that bombard this blog (about 30 a day) are of the more extreme sort than I’m accustomed to.

If you have already been offended by the language in this post, don’t go any further. It’s going to get a little worse.

Every day a deluge of porntastic replies are attached to this site’s blog topics. Luckily (for both of us) my spam filter catches them and bins them in a moderation bucket that I can approve or reject. What surprises me is the relatively hard-core nature of the textual blurbs attached to each post. Here’s what I’m talking about:

• pokemon porn
• gay beastiality
• forced beast sex
• Forced sex stories Marital rape Rape of nanking
• Anal destruction
• Brutal blowjobs Teen blowjobs Oral surgery
• disney cartoon having sex
• necro porn

There is probably a lot of funny material that could spring forth from this list given a few minutes and a lot of beer. But I’m only going to point out a few of my favorites. And by “favorites” I mean most humorous and most disturbing.

Like, say, gay bestiality. Maybe this is a fetish I don’t quite understand. I mean, I certainly understand homosexuality. I suppose I could even understand a desperate man needing a warm hole and going furry. But does the critter have to be a male, too? Is that really part of the fetish? My God, how little I know about the world.

Now try Anal destruction. I mean, who hasn’t taken a little stroll down the Hershey highway? But must there be destruction? That road won’t be fit for travel without a serious reconstructive effort after that trip. Set it on cruise control and enjoy the scenery, champ.

Another interesting product of the random mixing of relevant keywords is Brutal blowjobs Teen blowjobs Oral surgery. I think that the author of this spam creation software needs to go back to the books. I’m sure there’s a big market for pictures of teen blowjobs and I deduce (see Anal destruction) that people want some brutal blowjobs, too. But once oral surgery gets introduced to this keyword list I know we’re going to have a few poor bastards with impacted wisdom teeth ending up with a mouth full of more pain.

Insert your own joke here.

BTW, the spelling checker that comes with the Google toolbar doesn’t think that blowjob is a word. Guess that’s something that Mountain View engineers just don’t have much experience with. D’oh!