Category: Scott’s Journal

Dear Mr./Mrs./Dr./Rabbi Anonymous,

I’ve been checking my logs lately and have noticed a remarkable increase in traffic to my humble corner of cyberspace. In the month of June I recorded a full 10,000 hits from 270 unique people. I know that a few of these people are my friends and family, but most of them are one of you, the masked mass of the electronic herd. I’ve got a few facts here that might interest you and I’ll close this topic with an offer that I hope will tempt you to take off the mask. Contact me, if you dare, and I’ll fulfill your wildest dreams. Or maybe your stupidest. We’ll see.

Continue reading “Who Are You People?”

Every now and again I get in an animated conversation with someone over something I just read in a book. The following follows a conversation I had with my father brought on by my recent reading of Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. This topic will immediately make the internet-aware of you think of
Godwin’s Law. Put that out of your mind for a minute and bear with me. I think that there are enough parallels between Germany in the 1930’s and the United States in the beginning of the 21st century.

Continue reading “Straight to Godwin”

It is not without some hesitation that I again attempt to distill some humorous thoughts from the world of online personals. My reservation is based in the fact that I’m no electronic Cyrano de Bergerac and have by no means mastered the prose required to set an anonymous woman’s heart aflutter. But, I can recognize some terrible writing. So, this article is going to perform some armchair analyses of worst-written personal self-descriptions.

The following are all unedited excerpts from personals that have shown up on Yahoo! personals.

Continue reading “Online Personals: Part II”

The inexorable stream of digitally-supplied poontang that has fueled Rich’s dating life for the past year was ultimately what convinced me to give online personals a try. I think that I probably embarked upon this mission somewhat prematurely. I don’t feel that I’m entirely ready to go through the ordeal of first-dates, denied kisses, and inflated restaurant bills, but I guess that I’ve got to do it some time. And while online dating may not be the way to meet the ideal woman, it sure is the right way to meet the freaks.

Continue reading “Online Personals: Part I”

For a few months now I’ve been posting this banal drivel as a means of attempting to entertain. Only recently has the possibility emerged for my half-witted attempts at humor to be protected by the United States Government. It may still be a long shot, but some day you weary web surfers will gaze upon the pearly words of a professional writer. On that day, I will be called a journalist.

Continue reading “Brotherhood of Journalism”

After a considerable amount of investigation into a new technology that Intel is integrating into its microprocessors (codenamed LaGrande) I developed a healthy skepticism of the future it promised. This hardware is designed to enable an operating system that supports a new standard of security, euphemistically called trusted computing (TC). The beneficiaries of this improved security will not be the end-user as much as the creators of digital media. And, of course Microsoft.

Continue reading “Digital Freedom in the New Millenium”

I’ve been doing some thinking lately. No, I’m not talking about the kind of thinking that benefits mankind, generates huge revenues, or even moves the masses to better themselves and humanity. I’m talking about the type of thinking that could get me in trouble with the religious right. Specifically, the recent news about the Pope has made me think about what kind of an unkillable Energizer Bunny that dude is. In that spirit, I wanted to compare and contrast the relative abilities of Pope Jon Paul II and Jason Voorhees in my own battle royale of skillz.

Continue reading “Pope John Paul II Versus Jason Voorhees”

For hundreds of years white Europeans perpetrated a crime against humanity with their treatment of Africans. They (the Africans) were ripped from the arms of their families, brutally shipped across the Atlantic in conditions inferior to the cattle trade, and sold into a life of constant labor and abuse. Now, white America, this blight upon our history is revisiting us in the form of terrible movies that generate inconceivable profits. That’s right, bitches, it’s payback.

Continue reading “Bad Movies Come In All Colors”

I have washed many a load of laundy in my day. I used to be suspicously familiar with the driers next to my freshman dorm. But I’ll leave that story to Matt on his own weblog. I’m off tangent now, though. What I want to say is that this whole clothes washing thing has gotten ridiculously complicated. With Krisztina here I totally took for granted that my clothes would just show up clean in my closet every couple of weeks. Now I’m fighting The Man and His System every week just to avoid looking homeless.

Continue reading “Scott Versus the Washing Machine”