A few weeks back I saw the new James Bond movie and came back with a renewed appreciation for the series. Over forty years or so James Bond has persevered as an icon of American culture. This in spite of the fact that the character hails from a island of pasty-face pussies and was played for nearly a decade by a limp-wristed sissy. In honor of this hero of American cinema, I have decided to provide you uncultured swine with a short list of Bond movies that you should see to understand the God and the men who have played him.
5. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
If you haven’t seen this Bond or don’t consider it among the best, you’re a dumbass. Few people realize that this one-shot Bond actor, George Lazenby, was actually critically acclaimed as the only reasonable replacement for Sean Connery living at the time. Despite these rave reviews and the first appearance of a human, multi-faceted Bond, Lazenby decided that he wanted to pursue his career serving fries instead of making another Bond.
4. Casino Royale (Two)
Few people realize that the 2006 version of Casino Royale is technically a remake. In 1967 a spoof movie was made of the first Bond book starring David Niven, Woody Allen, and Peter Sellers. This movie was made more as a jab at the growing Bond franchise than a legitimate addition to the series. But the 2006 version, starring the blond-headed, scowling Daniel Craig, was every bit of an heir to the thrown warmed by Sean Connery’s ass. This movie easily goes down as my favorite action flick of 2006 and will long stand as a top five Bond. As much as I’d like to believe Casino Royale represents a new trend of solid scripts over effects and glitz, I fear the demons of the movie industry will bring us back the the insipid Dalton/Brosnan era.
3. A View to a Kill
I believe this is consistently the most underrated Bond of all time. Roger Moore sets aside his light loafers to fuck up no one less than the evil genius of Christopher Walken. Oh, and he bangs Sheena.
2. Dr. No
While Dr. No was the first film in the eponymous Bond series, it’s not the type of movie that spends any more time introducing the character than the rest. It’s interesting how successful Sean Connery was at conveying depth of character with little more than a drag of a cigarette, a sip of his martini, and the nonchalant derobing of a beautiful young vixen. He repeated the simple, smooth, stylish opening for six Bonds over nine years (Never Say Never intentionally excluded).
Oh, let’s not forget Ursula Andress, who set the gold standard for Bond girls for decades to come.
1. Goldfinger
This movie is the prototypical Bond at his woman-slapping, vodka-swilling best. In addition to the unbelievable bold double entendre supplied with villainess’ name of Pussy Galore, Goldfinger puts Bond in a sweet little Aston-Martin that was so sweet that it was literally dusted off when the douchebag Pierce Brosnan needed validation in GoldenEye as the next Bond.
