Gogglepow!

I love Google. Google has ushered in a new era for the internet. The time has long past since we’ve been unable to find relevant content for our burning questions. But now, thanks to Google, I can find copious amounts of absolute bullshit in a matter of milliseconds. And, best yet, with the Google picture search, I can uncover some of the strangest and least expected sights that one could have expected. Let me show you what I mean.

Before I show my examples, I’d like to first define the rules of the game. My game, which I’m calling Googlepow because I can’t think up a better title, is played by searching Google’s images for a legitimate item and getting back something that that defies logic. I’m rating my searches based on the legitimacy of the search against the surprise generated by the results. Let’s begin.

Search 1: Margarita

My whole obsession with this incidental discovery of pictures on Google actually started with Kristzina. She was throwing a margarita party at our place and did a Google images search using the keyword “margarita” to find images to adorn her electronic invitation. The number two image that appeared in response was this:

Picture 1: Want a Margarita?

Google’s return on this search is simply hilarious. I do see a connection between the original search and the returned result—the young lass’ name appears to be ‘Margarita’—but there is plenty more fodder on this particular item:

1. What is going on with those pants? At first they have the look of a G-string, but the flesh-colored material under the string is confusing as hell. Is that nylon tarping-down some stray ass crack hairs?
2. Is she supposed to be playing with herself? Her hands don’t really appear to be “stroking the goods”, if you know what I mean. They appear more to be “cupping the balls”. And, speaking of which, something about that area does look a little bulgy.
3. Even if she is having a little “me-time”, is that magazine the right subject matter to put her in the mood? I can read the words “Games” in the text on the left and “Power Play” in the graphic on the right. For the love of God, is she masturbating to a golf magazine?

I’m rating this Googlepow an 9 out of 10. In terms of legitimacy the search cannot be impugned. But, it’s not entirely surprising that a half-naked woman appeared as a result of any search on the internet.

Search 2: Deep Snow

Now admitedly part of the fun with this search comes from the fact that I mistyped search criteria. Looking for some images to adorn my recent christmas travel topic, I did a search for images that would show a city socked in deep snow. Unfortunately, I missed the ‘p’ in the first word and ended up searching for “dee snow”. What does this return?

Pictures 2 and 3: The lovely and talented Dee Snow (only thumbnailed pictures were available).

POW! Transvestites. Now we’re cooking. This search is awared a score of 6 out of 10. Legitimacy was low due to the typo, but the results were fantastic!

Search 3: World Series of Poker

As most of you know, I won a seat in the 2004 World Series of Poker and placed about 300 out of a pool of nearly 2600 people. I wrote a story on the event that chronicles the insanity in Vegas for that week. In my attempts to adorn that article with relevant pictures, I did a search for “World Series of Poker” images and, POW!, Google hit me again:

Picture 4: The people at kickasspoker.com ride the short bus.

Given that this picture has been circulating the internet for a couple of years now, I don’t know how much mileage I can get comedically from displaying it on this site. I will, however, make a few comments about it’s positioning on kickasspoker.com.

First, what the hell does this have to do with poker? In what way would the appearance of this freak van on a poker site encourage your repeat viewing? Second, do I need to remind you people of the common passengers on the short bus? Is that really who you want to be mistaken for? Lastly, do you think this bus has got that extending stop sign on the driver side to regulate traffic as the bus makes a poker stop? Because if you’re going to take this thing cruising down El Camino there’s no better way to get the poker honeys than letting that stop sign fly and guaranteeing yourself a captive audience.

I’m ranking this image as a 7 out of 10. Legitimacy was good, but newness deflated the POW factor.

Go forth and find more Googlepows and report back here.